Sex Without Stress~A Couple's Guide to Overcoming Disappointment, Avoidance & Pressure by Jessa Zimmerman

Author:Jessa Zimmerman [Zimmerman, Jessa]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Sex & Relationships
ISBN: 9781732164604
Amazon: 1732164606
Goodreads: 41560200
Publisher: LegacyONE Authors, LLC
Published: 2018-08-22T00:00:00+00:00

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This is the part of the process where you gather steam to make change, getting clear about what your role is in the problem. You have taken a good look at your thoughts and behaviors, and you have examined several ways that people typically struggle to do their best in relationship. Tie this all together and make it personal. What do you need to do differently to manage the difference in sexual desire with your partner? Where do you need to improve in your ability to manage your emotions with your partner? Where does anxiety take over and keep you from doing your best? You’ve already explored a lot of your unrealistic expectations when you examined your history; which ones do you need to change? What can you do that allows a fresh start? How can you contribute to a virtuous cycle with your partner? What do you need to get honest about? Where have you been hiding and pretending you don’t know what’s happening between you?

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Every relationship, every dynamic, and every interaction are co-created. But you can only analyze and change your part. Yes, your partner’s behavior has an impact on you. You may need to bring up what they’re doing and how that is affecting you. But focus on changing the parts you can control, the parts that are about you.

You and your partner are on the same team in this process. You are allies. Doing your part as a teammate means taking this seriously and acting unilaterally, whether or not your partner is doing the same. This is a commitment you make for yourself: to do your work and to clean up your part. Every time you encounter a difficulty or are tempted to focus on your partner and their mistakes, confront yourself first. What part is yours? What could you have done better? What were you really thinking and wanting? Is there something you could do that would change the outcome and more reliably lead to what you were trying to accomplish? How are you not being honest or direct? Answer these questions, then confront your partner in a respectful way. Holding someone else accountable is a respectful thing to do; it shows you think they can do better. Part of playing your side will be (respectfully) calling out your partner, but that only comes after you’ve taken a good look at yourself. Most of your effort at this point needs to be focused on your own contributions. Now get excited. It is time to move on to the stage where you transform your sex life.

Before you do, let’s revisit the example couples to see what they learned through this part of the process. Each person has examined their family history, their sexual and relationship history, and their sexual dynamic with their partner. Each has put together these pieces and gotten ideas of what they need to work on individually. They have a strategy for moving forward, knowing what they want to change and transform.

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